It’s Not You Babe, It’s Me

February 27th, 2009 Posted in Infidelity, Facebook, Addictions, Apologies

I’ve got a confession.

I’ve been cheating on you.

I’m so sorry.

No, no, it’s not your fault.  Please don’t cry.

I’m such a jerk. I’ve just been so busy, you know? I miss you, I really do…I just don’t have enough time!

Yeah, I know that’s no excuse…it’s just that she’s so much less demanding. She doesn’t care if I’m not funny or creative.  She doesn’t care about bad grammar.  In fact, I think she prefers a more 2 dimensional me. I don’t have to think around her. I don’t have to read or contemplate her stuff, I can just look at pictures!

Yeah, she runs with a much younger crowd, made me feel hip, I guess.  I just got caught up in the meaningless quickies she could offer in between classes, printing and work. I can hook up with her in the Johnson Center, in the library, in the back room of the print lab.  She’s not picky and only needs a moment to be satisfied.

And I wish I could say it’s over, but I can’t.  I’ve met a bunch of her friends and while they can’t hold a candle to your intelligence, your wit, your thoughtfulness, they’re still a lot of fun and they don’t ask for much…just a little update every once in a while, a little move on Wordscraper, a little comment here and there.

Yeah, I gave her my real name over there, I didn’t think!!! How did I know old stalkers would surface?  How could I have guessed?  But I’ll still keep you secret.  Even though she knows my real name, I don’t share the real me with her.  Only you babe.  Only you know how much I loathe Tom Cruise and Rush Limbaugh and Mann Coulter.  Only you hear about my neuroses, my hopes, my fears, my dreams.  Only you could understand my twisted sense of humor. HER friends wouldn’t want to know about all that. I even feel bad about cursing over there. They might start praying for me.

No, I’m not ending it, please don’t say that.  I still love you.  I’ll still come around when I can, really, I promise!!

I just received a box of presents from my parents and I can’t wait to share it with you.  You may have thought over the years that maybe I was exaggerating just a little bit about my parental weirdness, but you’ll see.  You’ll wonder how I manage to put pants on every morning.  I’ll be back soon lover.

Love,

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  1. 21 Responses to “It’s Not You Babe, It’s Me”

  2. By Del-V on Feb 27, 2009

    Is that where you’ve been? I’ve been hanging out there also. But this place is where my true anonymous friends are!

  3. By Franki on Feb 27, 2009

    delV ~ it sure is easier to be authentic over here isn’t it? even if it is anonymously.

  4. By furiousBall on Feb 27, 2009

    I still don’t know karate, but then again, you’d know that if you gave a crap.

  5. By Franki on Feb 27, 2009

    furiousB ~ don’t be that way…you know i love you.

  6. By bob on Feb 27, 2009

    you’re lying. I know it was me. you’re just saying that to keep from me making a scene.

    p.s. You haven’t seen the boxes we used to get from my MIL. bring on your parental presents, if you dare.

  7. By Cynnie on Feb 27, 2009

    i know..ive been a serious slut..i multi cheat daily ..
    Oh darlin..I’m waiting on my birthday box o’ goodies from my mom..we’ll compare :)

  8. By meno on Feb 27, 2009

    I hope we can be friends, after the hurt i feel has subsided, but i just don’t know if i’ll be able to. Seeing you but not being able to have you, it…..it hurts.

  9. By Jocelyn on Feb 27, 2009

    I thought this was one of those break-ups like I had when I was 30 and the guy moved on with his life while I was still standing outside his stucco house in really cute shorts, repainting it for him.

    That actually happened. I’m glad it hasn’t happened (completely) here. You slut.

  10. By Jocelyn on Feb 27, 2009

    Hey, I made it sound like a stucco house can wear cute shorts.

    The beauty of a misplaced modifier!

  11. By Franki on Feb 27, 2009

    bob ~ i’m just trying to save you the embarrassment…now hush. we’ll have a parental present dual.

    cynnie ~ i can’t wait to send weird parental boxes…if i could just get them to move out!

    meno ~ oh baby it’s not like that, you know you’re the one, the real one…she’s just a cheap distraction…you own my soul.

    shit, i’m pretty good at this!

    jocelyn ~ BWAH! my 30th breakup involved me revving my engine outside his house in really big hair.

  12. By Elaine on Feb 27, 2009

    uhhh, I think you and me might be screwing the same whore. Look me up! :)

    I have two on the side actually…talk about the quickies of quickies..(twitter) …shhhh!!!

  13. By DrZibbs on Feb 27, 2009

    I was wondering where you were. I missed you.

  14. By pistols at dawn on Feb 28, 2009

    Damn, girl. I’d say I can’t take you back like this, but we both know that just you mentioning your boobs will always bring me back.

    But I’m still hoping that you forget to put pants on whenever we get together.

  15. By Loving Annie on Feb 28, 2009

    Ha-ha, Frankie, I just KNEW you’d turned cyber-Mormon with two loves…. :) (lol)
    Who is it, that facebook slut ? That wordpress hunk ?
    Come back dearest, we’ll be here when you do !

  16. By heart in san francisco on Mar 1, 2009

    I’m just so hurt. I thought we had something special… was any of it real? And with that skank! I just don’t know what the attraction is to sluts and bitches.

    I haven’t been able to stop crying since you told me. You know, the Golden Gate Bridge is really closeby, not that you care.

    So go your own way, don’t think about me. I obviously wasn’t worth your precious time.

    Oh, screw the bridge. A’hm gonna write me a country song and get rich as shit. As God is mah witness, ah’ll nevah be sorry agin.

  17. By Glamourpuss on Mar 2, 2009

    Yeah, Facebook is very addictive.

    Puss

  18. By CEO on Mar 2, 2009

    Damn, I thought it was me. I need to learn Facebook. Sorry, my mother is dead.

  19. By Jennifer H on Mar 5, 2009

    Confession. Facebook is, shall we say, a generous girl, and more than a few of us have been hanging out with her.

    I didn’t want to be the one to tell you, but it had to be said.

    (Do you play Scrabble over there?)

  20. By womanwithnoregrets on Mar 5, 2009

    Facebook only scratches the surface - only cares about the lingerie, the big boobs, perfection. Here, we let the belly hang out, scratch our crotches, pick our noses, and you LOVE it - admit it. You can’t let us go.

  21. By martha on Mar 6, 2009

    hahah… i so love this.
    and it’s way truer for me than it is for you. i haven’t written over here in anony-land since january (although… i’m a loser, and i’m totally not anonymous here, either)

    anyway. i wish i could give up those cheap thrills and come back to my more serious, fulfilling relationship. but she’s so easy!

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