Because I couldn’t say it on Facebook….
Thursday, December 24th, 2009 Posted in Holidays | 12 Comments »Dear Christians, My slippers say a general Happy Holiday instead of Merry Christmas because: a) there's a LOT of fucking people out there that AREN'T CHRISTIAN. b) December 25 is not even Jesus' birthday. c) it was originally a Pagan holiday, you stealing copycatter mo-fos. So when someone ...
Why I Hate Christmas.
Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 Posted in Taint, Lestat, Twilight, Christmas, Magical Underwear, Mormons, Tom Cruise, Jesus, The Undead, Nazis, Holidays | 32 Comments »I know you all will be surprised and shocked when I say, "I HATE CHRISTMAS," cuz I am one seriously cheery girl. But I just don't get it. So Jesus got born. Whoop-de-doo. You know how hard it is to get born? Not ...
Yo.
Monday, May 12th, 2008 Posted in National Cathedral, Gerry Hofstetter, Holidays, Franki's Life | 14 Comments »I had a long post written about how my nutty mom really hurt my Feeling and made me cry for Mother's Day but, a) it wasn't funny. b) I don't fucking cry. Instead I'll give you a funny picture of the Dalai Lama ...
Friday, April 11th, 2008 Posted in Holidays, Franki's Life | 21 Comments »
I've got my wedding to arrange, my country's five-hundredth anniversary to plan, my wife to murder and Guilder to blame for it; I'm swamped. ~ Prince Humperdink Life stays crazy. This weekend, we will be celebrating ...
It’s all fun and games til someone gets hurt.
Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 Posted in Holidays | 14 Comments »Happy Easter. I posted this yesterday, but it didn't show. So. Umm. Happy belated Easter.
Achingly Yours.
Sunday, December 23rd, 2007 Posted in Gym Rat, Gonads (Kicking Of), Holidays, Franki's Life | 38 Comments »Dear Personal Trainer Dave, Thank you for making it so that I cannot move my arms for Christmas. Paraplegic Franki. That's festive. Whinefully, P.S. Please send that other really cute personal trainer over ...
Highly Offensive Christmas Post. I Pre-apologize.
Thursday, December 20th, 2007 Posted in Fire-breathing Nun, Stephen Hawking, Baby's Got Sauce, Radioactive, Sacrilege, Christophe Galfard, Bearded Lady, Holidays, Religion, Going to Hell, Apologies, Profundities | 30 Comments »Franki has solved one of the mysteries of Christmas. Oh yes she has. The one about how the fat guy fits down the chimney and doesn’t get stuck or dirty or burnt? No, not that one. The one about how Santa can deliver gifts ...
Happy Thanksgiving?
Thursday, November 22nd, 2007 Posted in Apologies, Really?!, Holidays, Schlongs, Franki's Life | 12 Comments »I went to a park once. They had turkeys in large cages, strutting around. I'd never seen live turkeys up close. While scrutinizing a particularly large bird, he looked me in the eyes and that unattractive flap ...
How FuriousB Helped Franki
Monday, October 22nd, 2007 Posted in Blogs I Like, Holidays, Love in the Airport Bathroom, Franki's Life | 13 Comments »For me, Halloween is all about the parade. I usually go to my friends J-n-S's house and drink their wine and eat their food and laugh until its time to go down the street and watch the annual candy throwing ...
Sinning is EASY!
Saturday, September 15th, 2007 Posted in Going to Hell, Religion, Holidays, Franki's Life | 13 Comments »Dear Yahweh, In the interest of equal opportunity sacrelige, I have decided to celebrate the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashana, by throwing a dinner party. The menu will be delightful soy-glazed pork chops, a spinach/broccoli bake with bacon, and a lovely crockpot mac-n-cheese made ...
